Things You’ll Never Hear At A Nascar Race

1. “None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.”
2. “Hey, shut up! I can’t hear the race.”
3. “Dating your own sister? Man, that’s sick!”
4. “My God, this is a splendid Merlot!”
5. “Hey, you with the large chest. Out of the way! We’re trying to watch a race here!”
6. “Chesterton, be a good lad and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my atache case.”
7. “What a coincidence, Hank. All my friends are boycotting Hooters, too!”
8. “These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert!”
9. “Whew! No more beer for me, fellas.”
10. “And now… Singing our National Anthem, international recording artist, Boy George!”