The Intelligent Parrot

This guy is not getting along so well with his wife and thinks
maybe he’d like to have a pet he can get along with. So, he goes
to a pet shop in search of a friend. After looking around he
spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any
feet or legs. The guy says out loud, “Geez, I wonder what
happened to this parrot?”

“I was born this way,” says the parrot. “I’m a defective parrot.”

“Ha, ha,” the guy laughs. “It sounded like this parrot actually
understood what I said and answered me.”

“I understood every word,” says the parrot. “I am a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird.”

“Yeah?” The guy asks. “Then answer this; how do you hang onto
your perch without any feet?”

“Well,” the parrot says, “this is a little embarrassing, but
since you asked I’ll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis
around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can’t
see it cause of my feathers.”

“Wow,” says guy, “you really can understand and answer, can’t

“Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse
with competence on almost any subject: politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy … and I am especially good at
ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion.”

The guy looks at the price tag. “$200!” He says, “I can’t afford

“Pssst,” the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing.

“Nobody wants me cause I don’t have any feet. You can get me for
$20 just make an offer.”

The guy offers 20 dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks
go by.

The parrot is sensational. He’s funny, he’s interesting, he’s a
great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good
advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from
work and the parrot says, “Pssst,” and motions him over with one
wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. “I don’t know if I
should tell you this or not,” says the parrot, “but it’s about
your wife and the mailman.”

“What?” says the guy.

“Well,” the parrot says, “when the mailman came to the door
today your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him
on the mouth.”

“What happened then?” Asks the guy.

“Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the
nightgown and began petting her all over,” reports the parrot.

“Oh No!” the guy says, “Then what?”

“Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and
began to look at her body, starting with her breasts and slowly
going down and down…”

The parrot pauses for a long time. “What happened? What
happened?” says the frantic guy.

“I don’t know,” says the parrot, “I fell off my perch.”

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