Reasons why it’s great to be a man:
Your butt is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don’t give a crap if no one notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky. Same work … more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $
100. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. Porn movies are designed with you in mind. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So, notice anything different?” One mood, ALL the damn time. Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat! You know stuff about tanks. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind. You can go to a public toilet without a support group. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking “He must be mad at me.” No maxi-pads. You don’t mooch off other’s desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don’t have to shave below your neck. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.